Waiting, planning and hoping

While I sit and wait for a date for my ablation I am trying to regain some normality in my life. I have returned to work but only 1/2 days. That is plenty. I am trying to maintain my running. Still very low intensity. Still very short. Still very slow. After a particularly difficult weekend I have entered 2 races coming up. I have explained my predicament to both race directors. I figured I would miss Glasshouse this year but could not miss GNW100. GH comes up first and I intended flying up and just crewing but then figured I would try to complete the 100km. If things go well I will be done in a day and be in bed at a reasonable hour. More importantly it will allow me to see where I am at and how I might go at GNW. I have run every GNW and finished them all. The first year I only ran the 100km but it still makes me the only runner with an unblemished record there. I cannot give that up. When the AF hit me back in May I knew Hardrock was off. But I never conceded GNW. That became my ultimate goal for the year. Nearly every run I have been on since I have thought about GNW. I have imagined running the long road into Yarramalong. I have pictured crossing the sandstone escarpment on the Sunday afternoon. I have closed my eyes and imagined running up to the Warrah Trig before descending to the beach. Every year at the pre-race briefing Dave Byrnes pays tribute to the handful of runners who have started every year. One runner has started every year but never finished once, 6 DNFs. Up to last year there has been 2 of us who had finished every year. But Dog was ahead of me since his were all milers. I lodged my priority entry on Sunday. I plan to be there on November 12 when Dave acknowledges those five runners. More importantly I plan to reach the beach at Patonga. Under my own steam. I am learning to run with my mind instead of my heart. My heart is broken but I won't be beaten.